In the words of Leonard da Vinci “One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself”.

Self mastery is the ability to recognize, understand and manage the different aspects of your personality, and in so doing, to create a higher quality of life experience. It is the ability to make the most out of your physical, mental and spiritual health and below are some areas of your life which will help you on your path towards developing effective self-mastery.

Vision: All self-mastery starts with you: the roadmap that you will create to take you to where you want to be. You need to be self-disciplined and committed to your vision and to always keep it in the forefront of your mind. Write your aims down, and share them with others, so that you will be accountable to yourself.

Accept people: Once you accept people for who and what they are, you won’t waste time and energy being frustrated in trying to change them. Everyone is different and that means that we have to learn the life skill of people management. Not everyone thinks and acts as we would like.

Don’t wait for perfection: Appreciate who you are, what you are, and what you have so far accomplished. You may not achieve the same results as your idealised role model but the important factor is to work your way towards getting there whilst not expecting it to happen overnight.

Look after your body: Your body is an incredibly complex machine that needs daily maintenance, so make sure you give it the nutrients and exercise it needs for optimum performance. If it becomes damaged in part, it has the ability to self-heal, provided you recognise the fact that you, yourself, need to help the process.

Self Discipline: People who demonstrate strong self-mastery are not controlled by their emotions. They learn to control their fears, their likes and dislikes, in order to move forward unencumbered by inner doubts but reinforced by facts and the unemotional assessment of risk, gain or loss.

Appreciation: Always be aware of the gift of health, the natural world, your family, your children, your education, your place in the community and in society, and the peace that spirituality can give to you in times of hardship or stress.

Communicate: You have the power to make someone smile just by openly smiling yourself and by making time to talk to others in a way that could make all the difference to their day.

Cognitive Restructuring: This technique involves modifying the automatic negative thoughts that occur in an anxiety-provoking situation, to a positive mindset that enables you to manage the challenge instead of mismanaging it. You need to always remind yourself of your natural talents and experience. If you convince yourself that you can win, then you may well do so. Unfortunately, however, the opposite holds just as true!

Concentrate: Try not to have a ‘butterfly mind’ that flits from one topic to another. Focus your mind on one thing at a time and gain the fulfillment of achieving a goal and then feeling that sense of satisfaction before moving onto something else.

Emotional Intelligence: Those that have gained self-mastery are usually well aware of other people’s needs and emotions and take them into consideration when communicating. Of course, in a negotiating context, that can be the winning factor.

Let go: We are all reluctant to let go of the past and focus on the future. This is often because the past is more comfortable to deal with, as it holds no secrets, whereas the future is bound to hold many unknown challenges. However, letting-go is essential in order to move forward unencumbered with the ‘baggage’ of previous relationships.

Self-mastery is a life skill that takes times and effort. It’s a continuous process that should be integral to one’s daily life script for everyday living. Once you have mastered it, you will also be able to help others to achieve the same skill. And that in itself, can be one of the most satisfying and humbling experience of our own lives.

Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News.

It is so easy to do.  You are driving along quite happily, the road is clear, the sun is shining and you are almost on auto-pilot.  You think of a message to send to someone and so you pick up your phone and start texting.  You know that you are taking your eye off the road and you know you shouldn’t be texting but there is not much traffic around, so why not?

Sound familiar?  Can you really say that you have never done this before?  Maybe you are one of the few who can put their hands on their heart and say ‘never’ but there are many others who would quietly put up their hands and admit to this one.

I read a very sad story, in the Huffington Post, of Emy Brochu from Montreal,
Canada who died while driving. The police investigation showing that her death was attributed to texting while driving.  How very sad to think of a young person’s life so quickly coming to an end in such a tragic way.

And yet, I see so many people speaking on their phones without it being hands-free, or texting in the same way as Emy was doing when she sadly lost her life.

Losing Concentration

We know that accidents can happen very quickly.  One moment the road is
clear and the next moment, a child runs out.   I was driving on the motorway the other day in the slow lane and in front of me a car had a tyre blow-out causing it to spin out of control.  I quickly slowed down to a stop, put on my hazard warning lights to stop the traffic behind me and, luckily, there was no pile-up.  After the car stopped spinning,
the driver emerged with his three, small children.  We all sat back in amazement that no-one was hurt.  However, had my concentration not been on the road, it might have been a very different story.  It certainly shook me up with what might have happened under other circumstances.

So why do we lose concentration at vital moments   Can time pressures and stress get in the way or are we just used to being busy all the time that we find it difficult to switch-off maybe by listening to a favourite CD or radio channel?

Sarah, a colleague of mine was having a bad day.  She was stressed and late for a meeting and, by her own admission, was totally preoccupied with a row that she had just had with her husband just before leaving the home. She was not concentrating on what she was doing and in particular she was not taking note of road signs. Importantly she missed a speed restriction and the result was a speeding fine and penalty points on her licence which in turn increased her insurance costs.

Being preoccupied behind the wheel of your car is just as dangerous as trying to multitask by using your mobile phone. Accidents happen in a split second and when we are behind the wheel of our car our mind needs to concentrate solely on driving. Multitasking may be fine in the safe environment of the home or office but driving a car requires our undivided attention. There is no doubt that the seductive ping of a text or
email arriving on our phone is hard for many to resist.

So how do you deal with the temptations of technology in your car and do you leave the stress of work firmly in the office, when you arrive home?

Here are my favourite tips:

1. Switch your phone to ‘silent mode’ when driving so that you do not hear alerts
2. If you have a hands-free phone, keep your calls short and your mind on your driving
3. Keep your iPad switched off and in its case on the back seat, well out of reach!
4. Do not get in your car and drive when you are angry or emotional. Take time to compose yourself before turning the key in the ignition
5. Driving at speed requires all your attention. If you choose to drive fast (within speed limits!) make sure you are not distracted by technology

Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News

Need a Motivational Speaker or Awards Host for your Next Conference or Boardroom briefing?

Work Stress Expert, Carole Spiers will deliver a charismatic, high-impact keynote presentation, Show Stress Who’s Boss! based on her new book, at your next conference.  Contact us mailto:info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Proven Work Stress Solutions

Take a look at our corporate website where you will find work stress management techniques.  www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Learn How to Deal with Stress

Carole’s book, Show Stress Who’s Boss! shows you how to deal with stress, manage your stress & anxiety and overcome symptoms of stress.  You’ll find tools and stress management techniques to make your life stress-free.  Inside this book you’ll find 4 proven steps to relive your stress symptoms.  Buy your personally signed copy and receive a FREE stress test card. http://www.showstresswhosboss.co.uk

Also available in Kindle version.

There are many myths and misconceptions about stress, so I thought that I would write a summary for you.

Q:  Is stress is good for me?     A:  No! Pressure is good for you but stress is not.

Q: What is the difference between pressure and stress?   A: Pressure motivates and is within your control and you can usually manage it.  Stress is the adverse reaction people have to excessive pressure or other types of demands placed upon them.

Q:  What causes stress?  A:  Fundamentally, it is the way that we think about a
situation rather than the situation itself, that causes stress.

Q:  What is a stress ‘carrier’?   A:  People who exhibit stress-producing behaviour but are  unaware of the impact of their conduct upon others.

Q:  What are some of the physical reactions to stress?  A:   Dry mouth, anxiety, rapid breathing, moist palms.

Q:  What are some of the symptoms of prolonged stress?  A: Sleep problems, headaches, anger, indigestion.

Q:  What are some of the causes of workplace stress?  A:   Long working hours, lack of autonomy, excessive expectations, uncertainty, work under-load / overload

Q:  What are some of the effects of workplace stress?   A:   Poor performance and productivity, low morale, reduced commitment and increased absenteeism

Q:  What can the organisation do to manage stress?  A:  Introduce Best Practice with primary, secondary and tertiary levels of intervention.

Q:  What is the primary level intervention?  A:  The primary level deals with the assessment of risk and its prevention by introducing appropriate interventions, reviewing the needs of the organisation and implementing an anti-stress policy.

Q:  I am the CEO of a pharmaceutical company and want to assess the risk of stress in my organisation. How can I do this?  A:  You will need to ensure
that:  a) Demands upon employees are realistic.  b)  Change is
managed effectively.  c)  Procedures for dealing with grievances are
introduced. d)  Teams are allowed some control over their work
e)  Role conflict and ambiguity are avoided f) Published support is
available within the organisation.

Q:  What is the secondary level intervention? A: This includes training, education and implementation

Q:  I am a training director of an IT company?  What training initiatives have
been proven to work?  A:  There are two training initiatives that will help reduce stress in your organisation:  a) Stress awareness and resilience training for all employees.   Many organisations cannot eradicate stress but they can
strengthen the resilience of their employees to manage it effectively.  Individuals
can be taught how to increase their capacity to tolerate excessive demands and
learn how to ‘bounce back’ from challenges.  b)  Stress Management training for all Managers.  Managers need to recognise the signs and symptoms of stress in both themselves and in others and know how to deal with it quickly and efficiently so that team performance is not impaired.

Q:  What is the 3^rd level intervention? A:  Dealing with stress-related problems in the workplace by timely interventions and by offering coaching, counselling, mediation and regular staff appraisals.

Q:  I am a Manager and I assume that you would say that I have a fundamental role
in managing stress in my team? A:  Exactly so.  Your role is to manage people and you need to communicate, ‘walk the talk’, be approachable and value individual and team effort by recognition.

Q: What are the benefits of taking action to manage work stress? A: The organisation will benefit from reduced absenteeism, improved staff morale and increased productivity.

Q: What is your key message? A:  Create a healthy workplace culture where you have motivated and resilient teams who love what they do!  Engage, involve and inspire them and lead by inspiration and motivation.

Q:  What do I do next?  A:  You could buy a copy of my new book, Show Stress Who’s Boss! and put theseinterventions into practice.

Is this all difficult to do?  No!  Is it costly to implement?  No!  Then how many companies
are actually committed to doing it?  Now that’s another question for another time!

Keys Points

1. Excessive pressure = stress
2. Anti-stress interventions, work!
3. Resilience is the key to beating stress!

Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News

Need a Motivational Speaker or Awards Host for your Next Conference or Boardroom briefing?

Work Stress Expert, Carole Spiers will deliver a charismatic, high-impact keynote presentation, Show Stress Who’s Boss! based on her new book, at your next conference.  Contact us info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Proven Work Stress Solutions

Take a look at our corporate website where you will find work stress management techniques.  www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Learn How to Deal with Stress

Carole’s book, Show Stress Who’s Boss! shows you how to deal with stress, manage your stress & anxiety and overcome symptoms of stress.  You’ll find tools and stress management techniques to make your life stress-free.  Inside this book you’ll find 4 proven steps to relive your stress symptoms.  Buy your personally signed copy and receive a FREE stress test card. http://www.showstresswhosboss.co.uk

Also available in Kindle version.

According to the lyrics of a popular song, when you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you, and as I listen to the words being sung on a YouTube video clip, it really brings a smile to my face. However, it also goes on to say “cry and you cry alone!” And that, I’m afraid, is also a truism.

A smile can be a great energy booster both for the giver and the receiver, so why don’t we all smile more often? You may say that you don’t always feel like smiling or that you’re not in the mood, and that may well be the case but just think of the effect of your mood has on those with whom you meet, your spouse, your colleague or your child.

If you walk into the office with a sad, depressing look on your face, the chances are that your colleagues will want to avoid you, by keeping busy at their computer screens, or desks, and giving you a wide berth during the day. Nobody much likes to mix with sullen people.

Everyone prefers to spend time with optimistic, friendly people. For instance, if you have the opportunity to buy a product that is stocked by two different shops, one being where the sales assistants always smile and are friendly, and the other store where they always appear to be disinterested in you, my bet is that you will go to the one where you feel most welcome.

And that is applicable throughout life and throughout all relationships. A happy person draws others to them, to share their warmth and vitality. If you have ever attended a networking event you will know that those who are most successful in their networking are those whose smile invites others to join them and talk – because that is what networking is all about. It’s about sharing information with others for the advantage of both and a successful networker is the one in any group who smiles and makes you welcome to join them. Or put in another way: if you’re not prepared to smile and appear friendly, then you will be wasting your entrance fee!

Smile and the world smiles with you

Our smile creates the mood – whether we are at home or at work. Your face tells the story. We smile with our eyes and that projects warmth and energy, which tends to be infectious for those others around us.

Negativity breeds negativity and realistically who wants to be around a negative person! So isn’t it time to engender workplace happiness and bring that smile with you to work and then hopefully, you can take more smiles, from others, back home with you. Being sad or withdrawn is a lonely existence because everyone prefers to be with happy people.

A simple smile can relieve stress and help you stay positive because you will be receiving feedback from those you meet and that provides a circle of goodwill that helps everyone who is a part of it. People will interact differently to you – even on the phone. Sales personnel are taught to smile even when speaking to prospective customers even if it is not face to face because of the effect that this will have on the voice. Smiling can make or break a day, or make or break a deal!

So why don’t we smile more than we do. It is not difficult unless you are really not in the mood to engage with people. However, if you can smile even though you may not feel like it, you will encourage the other person to do the same and then this may well lift your own mood.

But I can hear you saying that if you smile when you don’t feel like smiling, then you may be regarded as insincere. The key is to make the effort without being insincere. We know that smiling is infectious, so try to spread more of it around the workplace. It makes every one just a little happier. And a smile is free. Free to give and free to receive. That’s why it’s such a precious gift! Try and give as many as you can to as many people as possible, everyday.

Key points

• Smiling is infectious
• Smiles are free to give, and to receive
• Create a circle of goodwill, at work and at home.

Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News

Need a Motivational Speaker or Awards Host for your Next Conference or Boardroom briefing?

Work Stress Expert, Carole Spiers will deliver a charismatic, high-impact keynote presentation, Show Stress Who’s Boss! based on her new book, at your next conference.  Contact us info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Proven Work Stress Solutions

Take a look at our corporate website where you will find work stress management techniques.  www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Learn How to Deal with Stress

Carole’s book, Show Stress Who’s Boss! shows you how to deal with stress, manage your stress & anxiety and overcome symptoms of stress.  You’ll find tools and stress management techniques to make your life stress-free.  Inside this book you’ll find 4 proven steps to relieve your stress symptoms.  Buy your personally signed copy and receive a FREE stress test card. http://www.showstresswhosboss.co.uk

Also available in Kindle version.

We do not always behave or conduct ourselves as we should and
there are certain times when we wish we had not spoken, or acted, as we
did.   Sometimes, we have to accept that our relationship with someone has been broken. However, later there often comes a time when we might wish to try to make amends.  But what happens when the other person says it is too late or that they are no longer interested?

A Case Study

John is a 75 year old client of mine.  He had been married twice and his second wife
had died just a year ago.  John was referred to me by his Doctor because he was feeling depressed and lonely.  He now recognises that many years ago, he made his children’s step-mother his priority over his two young sons, Richard and Michael.   Now, after being retired for some months, he is a lonely man, and would desperately like to spend some of his time with his two children. Richard, his eldest son, has accepted that
his father could have made him a greater priority over his step-mother but has
learned to be somewhat philosophical about this and is now more than happy to
develop an affectionate relationship with him.

However, Michael, the younger son, who is unmarried and works in the City of London, has a different attitude.  John has telephoned him to see if they can meet for lunch, but Michael is always too busy!  His predominate attitude is to not see or speak to his father whom he blames for his anger towards him, and in a type of delayed retaliation, is determined not to give his father the pleasure of any interaction.  However, this is not
a conscious position but something that comes from deep within himself. He is acutely aware that his behaviour causes his father pain, but he just cannot forget his own anger and unhappiness from his own childhood.

Why is it that Richard can let go of the past whilst Michael holds onto his feelings of resentment and anger?

Michael finds it very difficult to speak about the situation and will not even discuss the subject.  If he were to go to a therapist, it would almost certainly help him to recognise
the cause of his feelings and to enable him to ‘move on’.  It might also assist him to ‘let go’ of the image of how he would have liked his father to have been during his childhood years.

But the challenge now is to encourage Michael to see the importance of living in the present and not in the past. Everyone makes errors of judgement and errors of priorities as to what, or whom, is most important.   If we stay deeply entrenched with our feelings of anger and resentment, it can not only destroy the happiness of the object of our resentment, but can also destroy us.

Seeking help through a mediation service can provide the ideal opportunity to share thoughts and feelings with the aim of gaining some closure on the past; accepting it and moving on.

The challenge in this case is to encourage father and son to come together and take that first step towards understanding the importance of bringing the past into the open and recognising the cause(s) of the deeply held resentment.

Forgive and Forget

Despite the familiar cliché ‘forgive and forget’, most of us find that to forget the past is nearly impossible. But forgiveness does not involve erasing the past. Forgiveness involves selective remembering.  The chances are that the forgiver will still remember the painful aspects but without the hurtful feelings that used to accompany it.

It is also the case that forgiveness can bring benefits to the person who gives that gift.  If you can bring yourself to forgive and forget, it can bring about both physical and
mental benefits as you feel the anger, bitterness and resentment slipping away.
Negative emotions that can accompany a failure to forgive are invariably harmful over a period, and the longer that period, the greater the risk of damage to your health.

This is not necessarily an easy road but one that is certainly worth taking.

Key Points

• Resentment can damage your health
• Anger can be dissipated with help
• Life is too short for long argument

[Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News]

Need a Motivational Speaker or Awards Host for your Next Conference or Boardroom briefing?

Work Stress Expert, Carole Spiers will deliver a charismatic, high-impact keynote presentation, Show Stress Who’s Boss! based on her new book, at your next conference.  Contact us info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Learn How to Deal with Stress

Carole’s book, Show Stress Who’s Boss! shows you how to deal with stress, manage your stress & anxiety and overcome symptoms of stress.  You’ll find tools and stress management techniques to make your life stress-free.  Inside this book you’ll find 4 proven steps to relive your stress symptoms.  Buy your personally signed copy and receive a FREE stress test card. http://www.showstresswhosboss.co.uk

Also available in Kindle version.

Last week’s blog on retirement brought in many comments with people writing to tell me that they were thinking of starting their own small business.

In 1987, I established my stress management and counselling consultancy – and for me it was the right decision.   However, being one’s own boss requires a specific mindset plus a commitment that is different from working for someone else within a corporate environment.

What it takes to start

Before embarking on a self-employed career, you need to give consideration as to whether you are really suited to what will initially be a 24 hour job.  A majority of people would rather work alongside others rather than being an entrepreneur, working all hours and having to make all the decisions.  Going ‘solo’ is not right for everyone and it is important that you find out at the early stage before you put time, effort and finance into your new career.

So what type of characteristics will you need?

Well, if you look at entrepreneurs you will see that they share similar traits
of character:  persistence, dedication, commitment, tenacity, motivation, creativity, ambition and single mindedness.  This list is not exhaustive
and is not necessarily a template for entrepreneurship but you will need to
posses some of these qualities.

Then you have to ascertain whether there is a sufficient demand for your product or service. Just because you have an idea for a business is not enough.  You will need to do a feasibility study to see if the marketplace wants what you are offering.  You may think that the world wants to buy ‘oranges’ but if your research shows that what they actually want are  ‘apples’, then you will need to rethink your business strategy.

The need for a business plan

Once your research is complete, then you first need a Business Plan, before you are ready for the next stage which is to build your
team around you.  ‘No man is an island’ and you probably need a peer group, and / or mentor to help you through this process.  This could be a professional mentor, a friend, family member of colleague but either way, you will need to have someone around you to whom you will be accountable.  This is very important as it is very easy to come off track and lose focus, so you will need someone who will ensure that you stay on target.

Writing a comprehensive business plan will highlight, both for yourself and your prospective funder/ bank, whether your idea / project is viable. Therefore, no financial or other commitment should be entered into until such time as you have completed a comprehensive, written business plan that details every known aspect of your project which needs to include:

1. experience/ qualifications of yourself, managers and staff
2. proposed product or service,
3. the researched market & your marketing plan,
4. the proposed premises,
5. funding requirements, including start-up and working capital
6. costs of research and development
7. costing of manufacture/ production/
8. research on your competitors
9. your Unique Selling Proposition (USP)
10. projected cashflow forecasts for 12 months and 3 years

When your plan has been completed and indicates a projected viability, then you can safely move forward with the initial steps of implementation into the business world.

A world that is full of opportunity, innovation and creativity.  I am not saying that it is an easy option and some business propositions may not stand the test of time, and if it doesn’t, then you need to acknowledge this, pick yourself up and move on.  But in those instances  where it does work, you will find out that starting your own business can become a great enrichment to your life and you will soon see that those long hours and late nights are not resented because you know that you are working for yourself and not making profits just for others.  You will have the freedom of choice to work as and when you want to do and you are not answerable to anyone else for your actions – other, of course, than your bank!

It was certainly right for me.  Do you think it will be right for you?

Key Points

• Do you have the right personality traits to go into
  business yourself?
• Every business has to check it has a ‘proof of
  market’
• Entrepreneurs will expect to negotiate obstacles

Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News

Need a Motivational Speaker or Awards Host for your Next Conference or Boardroom briefing?

Work Stress Expert, Carole Spiers will deliver a charismatic, high-impact keynote presentation, Show Stress Who’s Boss! based on her new book, at your next conference.  Contact us info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk mailto:info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Proven Work Stress Solutions

Take a look at our corporate website where you will find work stress management techniques.  www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk http://www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Learn How to Deal with Stress

Carole’s book, Show Stress Who’s Boss! shows you how to deal with stress, manage your stress & anxiety and overcome symptoms of stress.  You’ll find tools and stress management techniques to make your life stress-free.  Inside this book you’ll find 4 proven steps to relive your stress symptoms.  Buy your personally signed copy and receive a FREE stress test card. http://www.showstresswhosboss.co.uk

Also available in Kindle version.

How many times do you feel angry but don’t know why?  How often do
you become aggressive and say things you don’t really mean, and then feel upset and guilty afterwards?  Similar events happen to most of us, at some time, and we fail to understand the reasons.

Very often, the answer has to do with excessive pressure that has caused you stress, which has turned to anger as you realise that you appear to have lost control of the situation. Then you take that anger and frustration out on others around you.  Sometimes that may be your family, or if at
work, your colleagues

Low self-esteem, in addition to stress, can also be at the heart of an angry outburst.  You may not identify this factor and it is only when you start to suffer the consequences of that low self-worth that you may start take a close look at the root cause within yourself.

Becoming angry is just one way that low self-esteem manifests itself in your behaviour. “Why me? It’s not fair!” is a common angry outburst for those suffering from low self-esteem and a feeling of often being the victim in certain circumstances.

When we become angry, we become consumed with perceived injustice, and then we lose our focus on what really matters.  At work, we may feel as if we are being picked-upon, and in our personal relationships we may see fault in others where none really exist. It is as if we are seeing life through a red haze – a haze that is, in fact, anger.

Defusing Anger

Defusing personal anger may need the help of a professional counsellor but, as it may not always be possible to have access to one, you can call upon a valued friend who is a good listener and who will enable you to talk through your anger, even if it entails some shouting or crying in frustration. Bringing out that which you feel into the open, is a powerful method of examining your mindset and your frustration.

Sometimes, of course, getting to the root cause of anger and exploring low self-esteem issues, requires time and patience. Low self-esteem often stems from childhood events at home or at school.  Lack of praise and ridicule are common sources of low self-esteem, in chidhood.  Being able to put them into context and dealing with the anger that has built up over many years is essential.

Anger can be a dangerous and unacceptable emotion, especially in the workplace. It can lead to outbursts of rage that could end in violence, and if your behaviour really becomes disruptive and unacceptable, you can end up losing your job.

These are my favourite anger management tips:

If you feel yourself starting to become angry
and you want to shout at someone, make a conscious effort to walk away from the situation. If you then do some deep breathing exercises for at least five minutes, in a quiet place, you will feel your anger start to dissipate. You must then try to rationalise why you were so angry and then return to what you were doing beforehand.

We all tend to think we are always right, even when we are demonstrably wrong! The solution is to give others a chance to express their opinions: to actively listen to what is being said and then to use rational discussion to examine the argument rather than becoming angry and shouting. I know that this is often easier said then done. It takes practice, but it works.

In meetings, be conscious that raised voices can quickly lead to conflict. Keep your personal feelings under control – be aware of your body language – anger is easily transmitted through actions and facial expression, as well as actual words.

Before any emotional outburst, count to ten and by the time you get there, you may have diffused the anger inside of yourself.

However, if there is a pattern of angry outbursts, for instance on a daily basis, then this may well be the time to seek professional medical advice as your body may have an imbalance that require tests to ascertain the cause. But do not ignore it.

Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News

Need a Motivational Speaker or Awards Host for your Next Conference or Boardroom briefing?

Work Stress Expert, Carole Spiers will deliver a charismatic, high-impact keynote presentation, Show Stress Who’s Boss! based on her new book, at your next conference.  Contact us info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk mailto:info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Proven Work Stress Solutions

Take a look at our corporate website where you will find work stress management techniques.  www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk http://www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Learn How to Deal with Stress

Carole’s book, Show Stress Who’s Boss! shows you how to deal with stress, manage your stress & anxiety and overcome symptoms of stress.  You’ll find tools and stress management techniques to make your life stress-free.  Inside this book you’ll find 4 proven steps to relive your stress symptoms.  Buy your personally signed copy and receive a FREE stress test card. http://www.showstresswhosboss.co.uk

Also available in Kindle version.

Today, is International Women’s Day, and in looking at their website, it is interesting to see so many international events taking place, ranging from large, national conferences to small informal ‘get-togethers’.  However, the message is the same which in the words of Jude Kelly, Artistic Director is: “To celebrate the formidable power of women to make change happen, to remind us of our history, to draw attention to injustice and to enjoy each other’s company as we set out to achieve a fairer world”.

Tales from South Africa

This made me think about all the special women that I have met over the past year.  I visit South Africa at least once a year and there I work with women who are budding entrepreneurs.  These are women who have not usually received a formal education, but still want to create and grow their own businesses so that they can send their children to school, so that they can be independent and not have to sit on street corners, begging for money.  I have met women who are so completely focused in their endeavours that it puts many of us to shame.  They have a strength and determination of which many of us can only dream.  They have
no cars or large houses but their township homes in which I stay are spotlessly clean and tidy and I can only stand back in amazement at their resilience and fortitude.  Many of these women are single and don’t have the support of a man in the home and yet they survive in bringing up their children.  However, what they do lack are the marketing skills to promote their small businesses and this is what I offer to them through my 1:1 coaching programmes.  Some of the skills are specific such as helping them to write their own business cards and business plans, but other skills are those that come from encouragement and motivation.

Whilst in South Africa, in December, I read a book entitled Street Kid by British born, Judy Westwater, and was so captivated by the author’s autobiographical account of abuse, cruelty and living on the streets of South Africa and her amazing story of how she survived, that I telephoned her when I returned to the UK, where she now lives. Judy is now 67 years old and she is busy running many community projects in Cape Town and Johannesburg, using drama therapy to help local street children come to terms with their often traumatic experiences and to find greater self-worth and purpose.  What an amazing role model she is for so many of us and I strongly recommend her book.

Tales from the Middle East

And then there are all those women I have met in the Middle East, who want to break through the ‘glass ceiling’ that prevents their upward career progression and to make a difference for all of those who work alongside them.  These are ladies who have a commitment to raise the profile of all women in business and the professions, the world over.  They often work
long hours, have to balance their home and work lives and sometimes feel guilty that they have insufficient time to give their children.  Nevertheless, it is their choice and they still have to deal with the challenges that go with their lives.  They may look serene dressed in their abayas but
they still have the same challenges as everybody else.  They are ladies living in a predominantly man’s world and they are to be admired for their tenacity in maintaining their often demanding role as both mothers and professional / business-women.

International Women’s day has always had a specialmeaning for me.  To read of the stories of community, empowerment and leadership is such a motivation and encouragement for all women, whether at home or in the workplace.

It is a timely reminder to all women to work together, learn from one another and to build strong communities around the world.  The celebration of womanhood and female achievement is uplifting to read about and in which to fully participate. I look forward to hearing of other stories from my (female) readers of Gulf News.

Key Learning Points

• Women can, and do, make things happen
• International Women’s day focuses attention on women around the world
• Under every abaya is a woman who can achieve

Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News.

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Being a well-known celebrity, famous politician or business man/woman may be exciting but it also brings with it a whole exclusive set of stressors. Imagine having the media camped outside your door on a daily basis and not being able to go to the supermarket to shop. Being shown to your chauffeur driven car on a 24/7 basis may seem like a great deal but how nice it is to just get in your car and drive off yourself for the weekend, by slipping quietly away with your family.

So how do the rich and famous cope with their celebrity status? Some actually cope remarkably well. Royal families grow-up with privilege and are taught how to handle it from an early age but the modern-day celebrity pop-star or champion golfer is often thrown into the limelight with little or no warning. Initially hungry for the publicity, they thrive on it but after a while there is undoubtedly a longing for the privacy that anonymity brings. Constantly having to smile, sign autographs and be at your best, can be extremely tiring and often tedious, which is why we see the rich and famous often disappear behind dark shades!

The temptation to be seen as a rebel and to be someone different and unique is there in the background, as also is the need to find a method of coping with the constant pressure of being a public figure. Sometimes, just spending money on an expensive designer dress or a new 4×4 may help but, unfortunately, all too often the stars of today turn to addiction – to substance abuse.

Becoming Addicted

Addiction takes many forms and those involved may be very secretive in order to remain unnoticed. Those who gamble can be very effective at concealing their weakness but with drug and alcohol abuse, the effects are eventually impossible to hide. The media can seize upon every mistake, every error, every picture taken in an unguarded moment to emerge as a front page story around the world. Then is when reputations that have been carefully built up over many years can be destroyed in an instant.

The images of the late, and talented, Whitney Houston, are an all too sad reflection of how relentless the press can be in charting the downfall of a celebrity. How much better it would be if we could remember this great singer for her beautiful voice and not for her indiscretions and ultimate failure. The price of fame is high indeed and without adequate support to manage the inevitable stress, the results can be tragic.

The sad demise of Michael Jackson, last year, was another tragic example of one who eventually just could not cope without recourse to drugs. Stress is the reaction that we experience when we cannot cope with the pressure in our lives. For those in the harsh glare of the media spotlight, they have to be constantly on guard in all that they say and do. Many stars and public figures try to protect their families by placing an embargo on the media writing in detail about them. Adequate rest and relaxation away from the public eye is an important component of stress management.

When money is not an issue, privacy can sometimes be bought. Anyone in the public eye needs time away from the cameras because it is essential to take advantage of “me time” to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Effective time management is another important issue both for businessmen and celebrities alike. Leaving enough time between appointments and performances allows the body and mind time to recover from the surges of adrenalin that public performances inevitably require. Time to rest and reflect is a valuable tool in dealing with the stress of fame. Living one’s life in the spotlight can be at once both exhilarating and depressing, as the public constantly demands that your life be a part of theirs. It’s part of the price of fame and fortune.

But sometimes health and happiness cannot be bought with money and they often elude the most famous of our icons. And I loved you also, Whitney Houston. Rest in peace.

Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News

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Work Stress Expert, Carole Spiers will deliver a charismatic, high-impact keynote presentation, Show Stress Who’s Boss! based on her new book, at your next conference.  Contact us info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Proven Work Stress Solutions

Take a look at our corporate website where you will find work stress management techniques.  www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Learn How to Deal with Stress

Carole’s book, Show Stress Who’s Boss! shows you how to deal with stress, manage your stress & anxiety and overcome symptoms of stress.  You’ll find tools and stress management techniques to make your life stress-free.  Inside this book you’ll find 4 proven steps to relive your stress symptoms.  Buy your personally signed copy and receive a FREE stress test card. http://www.showstresswhosboss.co.uk

Also available in Kindle version.

Here in London, we have just experienced our first fall of snow this winter.  It arrived with a vengeance, severely affecting airports and roads.  The day
after, I went outside into the front garden to clear the path from snow and
within half an hour, I had spoken to many of my neighbours all clearing the
snow, like me, many of whom I rarely spoke to from one month to the next.  There we were, all sharing in a joint activity, offering cups of tea and coffee to each other.  Overnight, we had become a community again because we had a common interest.  None of us could get our cars out the driveway, and we were fighting against the weather to try to clear the driveways before the ice arrived overnight.

Now I know that many of my readers of Gulf News live in Dubai where the only snow they will see is at the Mall of the Emirates, which although it is an amazing feat of engineering, is produced by controlled conditions for skiing and leisure activity.

When I came back into the house, I was thinking about the community spirit of ‘togetherness’, the type of spirit that came out of the second world war when people came together to support each other in a common cause to defeat a common enemy. Of course, snow is not an ‘enemy’, but it does take combined action by everyone in order to keep communications, road and rail links open.

And so I began to think whether this type of spirit could be called upon by organisations when the going gets tough.  We know that the current economic climate brings with it challenges that need to be overcome and with less staff available to do that than previously.

Pulling Together

If it were possible to somehow call upon that ‘community spirit’ in which people feel that their contribution is important.   A time when we all pull together for the common good.

A time where the word ‘challenge’ takes on a different meaning and value.  During the war, in 1944, Londoners never knew if a bomb would demolish their homes during a night air raid or whether they have to sleep in an underground bomb shelter.

I remember my mother telling me of stories of bombs that dropped very near to where she was working but she still wanted to be inLondon – the city that she loved so much.

Now the ethos of ‘challenge and change’ needs to be managed by industry.  Maybe there isn’t the certainty of a job as there was many years ago in either the public or private sectors that are both feeling the effects of the economic downturn, particularly in those countries tied to
the US dollar.

But ‘challenge and change’ is something that is endemic in the life cycle of
corporations as well as people and we need to learn to manage and comes to terms with it.  There is no longer such a thing as ‘a job for life’ as in previous years.

That being the case, we all need to learn how to quickly adapt to the different ethos of the  communities  that we will encounter with each change of direction or job. The way to do this is to endeavour to a part of your new community as quickly as possible, in order to be accepted as a new member of the team, and not as an outsider. It’s all about relationship building and the necessity of acquiring new skills as well as new friends. Each different organisation will have its own cultural ways of doing things. Many of these will be spelled out in the formal terms and conditions that you will have to accept when you join a new company, but others are unwritten and it will be for you to recognise, identify, learn and practise.

Of course, being part of a community is vital, not only for your economic health but also for your personal wellbeing.  A ‘community spirit’ is important, as I found out this week as I cleared the snow and reconnected
again in conversation with my old neighbours and connected with my new ones.   It’s the same in your office.  Why not try it.

Key Points

• A ‘community spirit’ is essential to success
• Your contribution is important
• Strength comes from combined effort

Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News

Need a Motivational Speaker or Awards Host for your Next Conference or Boardroom briefing?

Work Stress Expert, Carole Spiers will deliver a charismatic, high-impact keynote presentation, Show Stress Who’s Boss! based on her new book, at your next conference.  Contact us info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Proven Work Stress Solutions

Take a look at our corporate website where you will find work stress management techniques.  www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk http://www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk or call + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593

Learn How to Deal with Stress

Carole’s book, Show Stress Who’s Boss! shows you how to deal with stress, manage your stress & anxiety and overcome symptoms of stress.  You’ll find tools and stress management techniques to make your life stress-free.  Inside this book you’ll find 4 proven steps to relive your stress symptoms.  Buy your personally signed copy and receive a FREE stress test card. http://www.showstresswhosboss.co.uk

Also available in Kindle version.