We may listen but do we actually hear? asks Entrepreneur, Carole Spiers


Sitting on the plane coming back from Vienna, after delivering a keynote speech to an audience of European realtors from Spain, Austria, Czech Republic and elsewhere,  I reflected on how it had been to speak  from the platform, in English, and then having to wait for my words to be simultaneously translated to the audience in Spanish, German and Czech.

The three teams of two translators each, sat in closed glass-windowed booths at the side of the auditorium. This group of people could either make or break a conference.  It didn’t matter how much effort I put into a presentation, if it was not translated correctly, then the communication with my audience would not succeed.

Before the presentation, I went over to them to introduce myself.  ‘You are very important in my life for the next two hours’, I told them ‘So I will try and speak slowly to make your job easier’.  We all smiled.

And now sitting here on the plane, I think about how many times our communication skills actually fail in delivering the message that we want.  We may speak too quickly, or we do not listen attentively.  The result is that although we may speak – many times we are not heard.


In our everyday lives, we may assume that what we have said has been actually absorbed and understood, and we take it for granted that this is the case.  Unfortunately, many times it is not.  Either because the other person was not concentrating – they were looking at their computer screen, their Blackberry or just distracted elsewhere.  So we make the assumption,   ‘I speak – you listen – you retain – you have heard me’. 

Not so!  I speak – you ostensibly listen but you don’t necessarily concentrate and you certainly do not retain the conversation because you didn’t really hear what I said.  Think how many misunderstandings have taken place over the years due entirely to an unintentional disconnect between speaker and listener.

Sometimes, we go down the route of actually paying others to listen to us, secure in the knowledge that if we pay to be heard, our words will be remembered.  

When I used to work at the Samaritans [a 24-hour crisis helpline], so many callers would say these very simple words at the end of a conversation: ‘thank you for listening’.  We were trained never to reply ‘it’s nothing’.  Of course, it is not ‘nothing’, it is very much ‘something’!  It takes our full attention to really listen to others, and to understand their message correctly.

The net result can be immeasurable.  In my opinion, there is nothing more powerful than giving of one’s time to someone else: making the time to listen to the other person – without always interrupting them to give them our own opinion.

Perhaps tonight, maybe make the time to sit and talk with your wife, your husband, your child or your friend.  Turn off the computer and the television.  Listen carefully and with full attention to what they are saying.  Finally, when it is your turn to speak, make sure you recount back to them what they have said to you –   and then see how that makes both of you feel!

… and so, after that presentation in Vienna, I went over to the translators, again, to thank them.  They and their listening skills had indeed been so very important for those two hours of my life.

Key Learning Points About Attentive Listening

  • You have to make the effort to listen attentively
  • We are not always heard when we speak
  • If you have really listened to what someone has said, you will be able to repeat the conversation back to them.

Can you think of time when you were told to ‘stop interrupting’?  Ring any bells?   Do leave us your comment here.

[Reprinted with the kind permission of Gulf News]

Book Keynote Motivational Speaker, Entrepreneur, BBC guest-broadcaster and best-selling Author, Carole Spiers in person for your next conference for charismatic, high-impact workplace stress management presentations and organisational change strategies. See Carole live http://bit.ly/TUWbX  

Or check-out our latest ideas about stress help, instant acces to stress reduction products http://bit.ly/FjL5L and stress management training aimed to reduce stress and delivered to blue-chip clients from IBM to Abu Dhabi Marine Operating Company in UK, Dubai, UAE and worldwide at www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk

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